When In Asia, Do As The Asians Do
May 10th, 2010 | 8 comments | Posted by Jen
Do not resist.
Do not fight the urge.
Do not think about how you may reflect back on your actions in the future. Stay in the moment.
Do not second-guess yourself.
Do not look at yourself through the eyes of others. You will become self-conscious, and the moment will be lost.
Take a deep breath.
Relax your shoulders.
Think about something happy, like babies, or unicorns.
Understand that, whatever your race, creed, religion, color, sex, sexual orientation, national origin, political affiliation, or age, you will surrender.
You must surrender…
…to the muthafuckin Asian peace sign.
It’s our version of the Vulcan mind meld–even if you don’t want to submit, we’ll make you. Observe the man in all-black above, lightly touching his new friend in white on the shoulder. Do you really think this is merely a friendly embrace, or do you think maybe, just maybe, the man in black is exerting some kind of mind control on the man in white? (Note how their peace signs are exactly the same angle. Coincidence?!)
And what about the woman in the photo who looks like your mom? Notice how her friend’s peace sign is a direct mirroring of her own. Now look closely at his face. He looks dazed. He looks like he’s under some kind of spell and has lost his free will. Any minute now, he’s going to hand over all his money to the woman who looks like your mom so that she can find the nearest casino, pull up a cozy bar stool, and blow his cash playing slots for the rest of the afternoon while quietly sipping her free non-alcoholic drinks and having the time of her life.
I don’t really know how we do it… but if the presence of Hello Kitty everywhere is any clue, Asians truly know how to exert mental telepathy on unwitting victims. I am amazed. Ang strangely proud.